How Did You Become This Version of Yourself….and What Would Allow Another Version to Emerge?

Why the person you think you are may be shaped more by your environment than you realize.

by Geralynn Madonna

Most people assume they know who they are.

They describe themselves with remarkable certainty. They know whether they are outgoing or reserved, confident or insecure, creative or practical. These descriptions often feel so familiar that they seem like facts.

But I have started to wonder how many of the characteristics we associate with identity are actually the result of repeated experiences rather than fixed parts of our personality.

Think about how often people feel like different versions of themselves in different environments. Someone who is confident at work may become quiet around family. A person who struggles to speak up in one relationship may be outspoken in another. Someone who has always considered themselves shy may move to a new city and suddenly become more social.

Most of us have experienced moments like this. The question is why.

The usual explanation is that people change. While that is certainly true, I think there may be something else happening as well.

Different environments make different parts of us easier to express.

Over time, every environment teaches us something about ourselves. Families teach us which roles we are expected to play. Schools teach us what gets rewarded. Relationships teach us which qualities create connection and which create conflict. Workplaces teach us what behaviors are valued.

As we adapt to these environments, certain patterns begin to repeat. Eventually, those patterns become familiar. And once something becomes familiar enough, we often stop seeing it as an adaptation and start seeing it as identity.

The child who learns to avoid conflict becomes "the easygoing one."

The person who is praised for being dependable becomes "the responsible one."

The employee who succeeds by being cautious becomes "the cautious one."

Over time, these descriptions can feel less like observations and more like permanent truths.

What interests me is the role recognition may play in this process.

The qualities that are repeatedly acknowledged, reinforced, and reflected back to us often become the qualities we associate with ourselves. When a particular version of us receives recognition over and over again, it becomes easier to believe that version is who we are.

That does not necessarily mean other versions do not exist.

In fact, most people can think of periods in their lives when they felt surprisingly different from the person they are today. They may have felt more confident, more creative, more adventurous, more social, or more capable than they do now.

When people talk about those periods, they rarely focus on personality traits. Instead, they talk about circumstances.

They talk about the people they spent time with.

The work they were doing.

The opportunities they had.

The freedom they felt.

The expectations that existed around them.

In other words, they describe conditions.

Perhaps those conditions did more than shape their experiences. Perhaps they also shaped what was recognized, encouraged, and reflected back to them.

This is why I think one of the most useful questions we can ask ourselves is not simply, "Who am I?"

A more interesting question might be:

"How did I become this version of myself?"

Because once we understand how a particular version was built, we can begin to understand what continues to sustain it.

And that leads to another question:

What would allow a different version to emerge?

If there is one exercise I would encourage readers to try, it is this:

Think about a period in your life when you felt more like yourself than you do today.

Not necessarily happier.

Not necessarily more successful.

Just more like yourself.

Then ask:

Who was around me?

What qualities were being encouraged?

What strengths was I using regularly?

What parts of myself felt natural?

What expectations helped me grow, and which ones held me back?

Most people focus on changing themselves.

Far fewer examine the conditions that helped shape the version of themselves they currently recognize.

Sometimes the next version of you does not require becoming someone new.

Sometimes it requires understanding the conditions that allowed a different version of you to appear in the first place.

The person you recognize today may not be the only version of yourself that exists.

It may simply be the version that has received the most recognition.